Putting It All Out There

I have considered blogging on several occasions but withdrew because I know myself. I am a very transparent person and it may very well make some others very uncomfortable. I refuse to talk about the superficial. I am a real person with real issues and I understand that I am not alone. I am just one of the few people that will”SAY IT" without concern for being judged. I would like to say that's true. However, I walk in so many roles; I have allowed myself to become burdened by the titles and resigned to respect those around me who can't handle full honesty.

However, I have also recognized that God uses me best when I am open and willing to share the real parts of who I am. So, for my friends, personal family, and church family, I will attempt to temper my openness with respect for where my story ends and yours begins, but I will tell my story.

Yesterday, I was approached in church my a member who felt it necessary to remind me that I am still considered a coupled with my husband, from whom I am legally separated and feel no conviction nor have any desire to return to. These are the things that make balancing the hardships of life even more difficult. This Christian brother that knows nothing about who I am. Granted he has recently begun to develop a relationship with my future ex-husband. However, he has had no real contact with me that would provide insight into who I am as a person. Instead of using this situation to stir up anger and foolishness, it has inspired me to use my voice. I do mean my BIG VOICE in an effort to empower myself and others to continue to walk in the guidance of the Holy Spirit and shed the burden of the opinions of others.

Today, I begin to walk my walk to the fullest. I will share what I learn and learn from what others share with me.


Let's Go!!!

I am a "perfectly 37" year old African American, legally separated mother of two, starting over with God and a wonderfully supportive group of family and friends. I am grateful for all that I have but I acknowledge the journey that I am embarking upon. I am a teacher, a minister, a daughter, and little sister. All of these roles add to the intricacies of what I feel can or cannot be done as I start new endeavors.

I must first acknowledge the mistakes and successes of the past. I invested 14 years (2 yrs dating and 12 years of marriage) into building a life with a man. I will pass no judgment on his character I will only share my experiences and pray that others can learn from what God has allowed me to learn.

I spent the majority of those years enduring emotional abuse from him and his mother. The emotional incestuous relationship was his priority, followed by his fraternity and whatever else he chose to shift to the top. I make no suggestions that I was perfect. We both destroyed the marriage, in action, failure to act and sheer stupidity at times. My first mistake was definitely a failure to act. I never made it a requirement that I be a priority. From the time we dated, I swallowed the passive aggressive ass whippings from his mother and never demanded that he be my husband rather than hers. I did not know how to say "no" to him for the longest time.
Yes, I am one of those strong and loud black women. I have always been a stabling force for him. I was the provider, the strategist and whatever else was needed. Nevertheless, I did not know how to establish balance in a threesome marriage. I did not pay attention to the signs that told me the truth about who I was choosing. Not that I would have chosen differently but I could have at least walked it out in a healthier manner and who knows it could have ended differently.

Sooooo, each topic for this blog will be connected to my story and accompanied with tools for handling similar dilemmas in a healthier and more constructive manner.